i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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