and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I cut my penus on the lid.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
