i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
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