She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
