yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
