I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just cut my nipple shaving
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
