Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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