I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
