The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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