so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
