your thong is hanging out like whoa
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
