I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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