It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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