tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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