Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just cut my nipple shaving
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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