Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
