There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
