Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
