This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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