I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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