A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
