Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
