Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize