do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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