this boner is exhausting
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
