What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
