go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
