Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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