i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize