apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
