dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
