Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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