All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
oh god the rape fog is back!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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