i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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