Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
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The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
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After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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