Kareoke will never be a sober sport
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
