I look better un-naked...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
