dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
