you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
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Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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