he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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