I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
