Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
