in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dignity is for republicans.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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