This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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