I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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