Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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