I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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