I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
