I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
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It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
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Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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