I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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