I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
