I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
