his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize