I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
