Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
