theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
