O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
