I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Hello my rib-scented angel!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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