We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
