I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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