four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
