I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
